I Can't Believe It
by CloieDark a.k.a. AlphaOmega
Summary: okay peeps I've revised dis fic. it's still taito so no worries. r&r please
1. chapter I

Okay the fic is gonna be from Tai's point of view mostly, although I might do Yama's point of view once in a while.

Sighing in frustration I brushed my wild bangs out of my eyes. I was on my way to the park to see all of my friends. Sighing again I let my shoulders slump as I trudged down the street. 

'I don't know why I keep going, I always just end up getting hurt by going.' 

/It's cause you want to see your Yama-chan./ Said the ever present annoying voice in my head. 

'Oh shut up! And he's not **my** Yama-chan; he's Sora's.' I thought miserably as the park came into view. 'Why me!?' I looked up and noticed that Yamato, TK, and Hikari were already there. Plastering on my usual goofy grin I jogged up to them and waved. "Hey guys wassup?"

"Hey Tai. What took you so long?" Yamato asked looking straight at me. My heart must've skipped a few beats upon hearing Yamato's voice, cause I had a slightly hard time getting my breath back.

"I... I took the scenic route." I laughed nervously as I noticed TK smile and Yamato mumble something that sounded like same old Tai.

"Tai..." I stopped laughing and looked at Hikari, she looked concerned about something. "Are you alright?"

I couldn't help but blink in confusion. "Uh... Yeah I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be Kari?" I forced the grin onto my face again.

"Are you sure? You don't look so good." Hikari was right. In my mind I knew she was right to be blunt I looked like shit. My skin wasn't it's normal tan color instead it looked pretty pale, and my eyes were dull not as full of life as they used to be. And then the clothes I was wearing were rumpled, since I just grabbed something that was on the floor and threw it on.

"Yeah Tai, Kari's right you don't look very good." Yamato said as he took in my appearance. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, So uh... Where are the others?" I asked hoping that the subject would change. 

~ Yamato ~

I shrugged when Taichi didn't answer my question. 'If you wont tell me now Tai, I'll make you tell me later.'

~ Taichi ~

"Well Joe had to go to a class, Sora has to help out with the shop, and Izzy's got the flu or something like that." TK supplied well he narrowed his eyes at me. I fidgeted slightly as I started to get nervous from the stares that I was receiving from the others.

"Well um... I... I've got something I've got to take care of. I'll see you guys later." I said as I spun around and ran back towards the apartment where I lived with my family.

~ Other ~

"Tai!" Hikari was going to run after her brother but stopped when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Looking over her shoulder she noticed it was Yamato's hand.

"Don't worry Kari, I'll check on him." Yamato gave Hikari a small smile and took off after his best friend. //Tai what's wrong with you?//

~ Taichi~

'Dammit! Why do I always do this to myself? God Damnit Tai, you're so fucking stupid. Of course they'd notice you don't look well, but **no** you went anyway.' I thought bitterly as I ran around a corner the apartment building coming into view. 'No duh Kari would notice right away. But then who wouldn't?' I was thinking as I shut the door to the apartment.

"I'm home." I called out while taking my shoes and jacket off. I then walked into the kitchen to get a soda to drink when I noticed a note on the counter.

Tai,

Your father and I went to visit your grandma for a while, since she's sick again. So take care of your sister and yourself.

Love,

Mom.

'Take care of myself, Yeah right.' I thought venomously. 'I'd rather be died right now.' Grabbing my soda I walked to my room. 

*okay let's say Tai and Kari have separate rooms* 

Laying down on my bed I thought about the past few weeks. 'Surprised nobody said anything to me sooner. Hn, I haven't been eating a whole lot lately, haven't gone outside to play soccer, hell it's summer, and I rarely come out of my room. Or as Kari likes to call it, my dungeon.' I let a small chuckle escape when I thought of that. 

I was going to continue drowning in my self-loathing or would it be pity, when I heard the doorbell ring. 'Dammit I thought the doorbell was broken.' Growling I got up and opened the door to find Yamato standing there slightly out of breath. I completely froze up when I saw the glare that was in Yamato's eyes, I then knew there wasn't anyway I was gonna get out of this situation with out a long explanation. A very loooooong explanation.

Uh oh, looks like Taichi's in trouble. And I want to thank the people that reviewed the first part of this fic. I had only planned on a one shot, but you guys convinced me to continue on. And yes this is gonna be a Yamachi or Taito fic. I just love that couple!


	2. prologue

I Can't Believe It

I can't believe it. I've fallen for my best friend. Not only is that weird, that's not even the biggest part of my problems. My best friend happens to be a guy named Ishida Yamato. I love everything about him. His beautiful blue eyes, the way his hair falls around his face, and the way his voice makes my heart skip. Only thing is I can't tell him, his parents and mine probably wouldn't appreciate it. Besides he's in love with Sora. There's no way he'd ever fall in love with me.

Although I wonder if he ever notices that when he's around that's when my smiles get a lot brighter. Heh, I almost actually find this situation slightly funny. Me, Kamiya Taichi, happens to be gay and in love with his best friend. Hell, I still can't believe it very well myself. Oh well it doesn't matter, I'm not gonna tell Yamato that I love him. I can never tell him, cause if I did and he ended up hating me I'd die. Or worse I'd kill myself. So I guess I'll have to become content with loving Yamato from afar.

Even though seeing him happy with Sora hurts like hell. But his happiness, is my happiness. That's all I want for Yamato is to be happy and if it means giving him up, I'll gladly do that. Even if it hurts my heart. But I'll be fine, that's all I can tell myself, is that I'll be fine.


	3. chapter II

I Can't Believe It II

~ Taichi ~

I backed up and flinched when Yamato slammed the door behind him. I couldn't look Yamato in the eyes; I just wanted to cower away, to say sorry. But my voice wasn't working and my legs seemed to be frozen to the spot. My head snapped up when Yamato's hands roughly grabbed my shoulders. Chocolate brown eyes clashed with stormy blue.

"Got dammit Tai. What are you doing to yourself?" Yamato growled making me flinch again. I didn't answer the question; I just stared into Yamato's eyes for awhile before turning my gaze towards the floor.

"I'm not doing anything Yamato." I almost flinched when I heard my own voice. 'That was me? But I sounded so... emotionless.' I had lost myself in thought so much I never noticed the look of concern that flickered across Yamato's face.

//Tai what are you hiding from me?// Yamato thought as his eyes narrowed at Taichi.

"Damnit Tai, I'm your best friend so tell me what's wrong!" Yamato roughly shook my shoulders once. My head snapped up again, and this time I saw Yamato flinch. 

~ Yamato ~

Looking into Taichi's eyes there was so much pain, fear, and something else swirling in them. My heart clenched, and for some strange reason I wanted to help more than anything, and make the pain and fear that Taichi was feeling disappear. But I pushed those thoughts aside as I stared at Taichi's face.

~ Taichi ~

"You really want to know what my problem is Yamato!?" I growled in a menacing voice shaking my shoulders loose from his grip. "You're my problem!" My voice cracked as I turned around and stalked to my room, slamming the door. 

~ Yamato ~

My thoughts came to a crashing halt upon hearing those words. 'I'm Tai's problem?' I stood in complete disbelief until the sound of a door slamming brought me back to reality. With a mental sigh I walked over to Taichi's door and paused in mid-reach, I wanted answers to the questions that were running wild in my head; although I was pretty positive I wasn't gonna like the answers. Taking a deep breath I opened the door and stepped in. I was more then slightly shocked at the scene, Taichi was crying nonstop; sure I'd seen him weep a few tears, but nothing like this. 

His face was buried in his pillow and his shoulders were shaking badly, but the one thing that got to me most was the muffled heart wrenching sobs that reached my ears. My eyes softened as I stared at the once full of life youth. //Damnit Tai, how can you make me feel this way? Just so damned confused about things in life? About myself and you. Why?// Biting my lip I walked over to Taichi's bedside. 

"Tai?" I whispered softly. 

~ Taichi ~

I didn't respond when Yamato's soft voice hit my ears. 'Is that concern I hear in your voice Yamato? Nah, can't be... Go away Yamato. Please just go away. Maybe if I stop seeing you, I'll stop slowly killing myself.' I thought as another sob escaped my throat. I froze when I felt a hand lightly touch my shoulder. 

"Tai?" I heard Yamato ask again.

/He's not gonna go away until you talk to him./ The annoying voice in my head said putting its opinion in.

'Oh shut up!' I hiccupped stopping my sobs and raised my head off of my pillow to look at Yamato.

I tried to focus on Yamato's face but all I could see was a blur from all the crying I'd done. Sitting up I felt the warmth that had once been on my shoulder disappear, wiping my eyes with my sleeve I finally could see Yamato clearly. I blinked once, I thought I saw concern on Yamato's face for a second but his face was now blank.

"Tai what's wrong? And what are you doing to yourself?" Yamato asked softly but firmly as he kept his gaze locked with mine. My stomach felt like it did a 180 as I looked into those stormy blue eyes and started to drowned in them. I looked away really quick before I did something that I'd probably end up regretting later. 

"Tai?" Looking back at Yamato I kept my gaze locked on the wall behind him.

"I..." I tried to talk but ended up in a coughing fit. My throat felt really sore and I could feel the phlegm in the back of my mouth. I heard the sound of fabric as Yamato got up and left the room, then return with a glass of water that he moved into my view. Taking the glass I downed half of it before my throat felt slightly normal again. 

"Thanks Yamato."

"No problem." Yamato said as he shrugged his shoulders. Glancing from the glass of water and to the wall behind Yamato I decided to tell him some of my problems not all of it, but I knew if I told him some of it he'd make me tell him the rest.

"I... Yamato, I love someone... But if I tell them I... I'm afraid that they'll hate me and never want to talk to me again." I finally said as I looked into the glass of water as if maybe by some freak accident I'd find an answer to all of my problems in it.

~ Yamato ~

"Well Tai, I can't really help you out unless you tell me who you're in love with." I said from my sitting spot on the floor. I then saw the same pain and fear filled look in Taichi's eyes that I'd seen earlier, after he raised his head from looking in the glass. 

~ Taichi ~

'Well here goes absolutely nothing' I thought as I took a deep breath.

"I... I love you, Yamato Ishida." I said in a whisper as I gazed steadily into Yamato's eyes.

Dun, Dun, Dun!!! What's gonna happen, and how's Yamato gonna react to this news? Heh, only I know so stay tuned for the next chapter of I Can't Believe It.


	4. chapter III

****

okay this chapter is starting out in Yama's pov. then it goes back to Taichi's. and there is a suicide attempt in this one.

~ Yamato ~

My eyes widened as I heard Taichi's words. //Tai loves me... Tai loves me...// My emotions and thoughts started to go somewhat incoherent as that one thought was running in little repeating circles. Shaking my head to clear some of my thoughts, I ended up saying the first thing that came to my mind. 

"I... I've got to go." Glancing at Taichi, I saw him nod slowly and felt a small pang of guilt. Pushing that thought away I got up and walked out of the room and then the apartment.

Slowly closing the front door I leaned against it for support as I thought about what had just happened. //I've got to go? Why the hell did I say that?// 

Then the annoying voice in the back of my head decided to put its two sense in. /You said it because you're not really sure how you feel about Tai./ 

//No, I know how I feel. I like Tai as a friend! Only a friend...// But even as I thought that, I didn't believe it. //I've got to go and think about this...// I glanced at the Kamiya's door once more and started to walk back towards the park where Takeru and Hikari had stayed behind.

~ Taichi ~

I stared sadly at my door for what felt like hours after Yamato had left. 'He hates me. Oh God I shouldn't have told him. But I did and now he hates me.' My sight started to blur again as tears cascaded down my face, I started scrubbing furiously at the tears streaming down my face. And yet again I buried my face in my pillow. 'God the way I'm going I'm gonna end up crying myself to sleep again. Just like last night, and the night before that and every other freakin night!' My thoughts started to become muddled as sleep lapped at the edges of my mind, taking me into the comforting darkness called rest.

Sometime later I stirred slowly hearing the phone ringing out in the living room. 'Damned phone...' Yawning I stumbled out of my room and picked up the phone. 

"Hello, this is Taichi." I couldn't help but say it in a sleepy tone. 

" ........ " Only silence came from the other end. 

"Hello?" I asked again fully awake now when I got no response. I blinked stupidly at the phone as I heard a soft click and then the buzz of the dial tone. 

"Well that was weird..." Hanging up the phone I looked at the clock. '4 p.m. Hn I must of been asleep longer than I thought...' Walking down the hall I knocked on Hikari's bedroom door and got no answer. 'Kari must still be hanging out with Tk.' I blinked back new tears as an image of Yamato entered my mind. 'Stop it Tai, he probably hates you now and never wants to see your dumb-ass again.'

With a sigh I walked into the bathroom and stared at my reflection lightly touching the mirror with my fingertips. 'I... I wonder what would everyone do if I wasn't around anymore? I mean yeah everybody would be sad but they'd get over it. Kari's old enough now that she doesn't need me. And then Yamato... He can finally be happy without worrying about his ex-best friend lusting after him.' Opening the medicine cabinet I grabbed one of my dad's extra shaving blades, and placed it against my wrist. Taking a deep shaky breath I slide the razor across my wrist; watching with morbid fascination as the blood drip into the sink. It had hurt a lot in the beginning but now it was turning into a dull numb pain as the world started to turn black. 

'This isn't so bad it's just like going to sleep...' I thought as I slumped to the floor.

~ Yamato ~

I placed the phone back on the receiver of the pay phone and walked back to the park bench that Takeru and Hikari were currently occupying. //Why didn't I say anything? I had the chance but I didn't say anything. Why'd I even call him in the first place? I'm not even sure about how I really feel at the moment... Or am I?// I thought as an image of a smiling Taichi entered my mind. A soft smile formed on my lips and I could feel a blush creeping onto my cheeks. I shook my head furiously to block out anymore of those thoughts. I then sat down with the others and thought about my feelings for Taichi, and then my situation with Sora.

~~ Flashback ~~

I ran my hand through my hair as I listened to Sora go on and on about all of the things going on in her life. And was slowly being bored to death. I let my mind wander into thought. One in particular was what was Taichi doing right now, and was he having more fun then me? I blinked and brought myself back to reality when I realized Sora was standing in front of me waving a hand in my face.

"Um sorry Sora I got lost in thought. What were you saying?" I asked slightly nervous as a pale blush painted my cheeks. I swallowed nervously as she gave me her bitch glare.

"What were you think about Yamato?" I saw her eyes narrow as she crossed her arms.

"I wasn't think about anyone else if that's what your implying." I said calmly well looking her in the eyes. She didn't look convinced.

"Yeah right! I bet you were thinking about Tai again. I also bet your in love with him!" She nearly shouted for the whole world to hear.

A slight blush crossed my cheeks hearing those words. "I do not."

/Do too!/ Shouted the voice in my head.

//Be quiet!// I mentally shouted back shutting the voice up for now.

"You do to!" Sora shouted bringing my full attention back to her. "And until you figure out who you love more Yamato Ishida we're through!" With that she slapped me across the face and stormed off. Leaving me alone to nurse my wound and ponder my feelings.

~ Back to present with Yamato ~

"Hey guys I'm gonna go home." Hikari said snapping me out of my thoughts. I noticed Takeru looked slightly disappointed when Hikari said that. 

"Why?"

"Because I've got a really bad feeling about something. And I'm pretty sure that it has something to do with Tai." Hikari replied well she started to walk away. My breath caught in my throat. //Something wrong with Tai? And that could be all my fault...//

"I'm coming with you!" I shouted while I ran to catch up with Hikari. //Please be okay Tai. Please be okay.//

~ Takeru ~

"Hey wait for me!" I yelled at Hikari and Yamato from the bench. I saw Hikari look over her shoulder without stopping and give me a hurry-up-and-come-on-look. I sprinted the short distance and caught up with them. 'Kari must be really worried or else she would have waited for Yamato and me to catch up.' I glanced at Hikari and noticed the really worried look in her eyes. Looking past Hikari, I noticed that my brother looked more worried then Hikari did. 'I wonder why Yamato looks more worried then Kari? Especially since he usually covers up his emotions...' I thought as we walked up the last flight of stairs to get to Hikari's home.

~ Hikari ~

I sprinted the last ten feet to the door because my bad feeling had doubled. 'Oh god Tai, I hope you didn't do anything stupid.' I thought as I through the door open.

"Tai!" I called out as I walked in. I became more worried when I didn't get an answer. 

"Tai!?" I shouted as I walked quickly to Tai's door. 'Something's really wrong. He usually answers me.' Throwing Taichi's door open I looked inside to see no Taichi but evidence that he had been in there. 'Were is he?' I'd been so worried about finding Tai that I completely forgot about Yamato and Takeru and turning around I collided with Takeru. 

"Sorry Takeru." I said while a pale blush ended up on her cheeks. 'This actually feels really nice... Argh! Stop thinking like that Kari you've got to find Tai!' I mentally shouted at myself as I walked around Takeru.

~ Takeru ~

"Hey Kari what do you want me and Yamato to do?" I asked as I watched Hikari walk down the hallway. 'That was actually kinda nice. Whoa, okay Tk stop! You've got to help her find her brother, so stop thinking like that.' I thought as a light blush crept onto my cheeks. 

~ Hikari ~

"Um... Just look around for Tai okay." I replied as I looked into my parent's room. 'Not there... Where is he!?' I thought as I looked down the hall and noticed the bathroom light was on. Walking over quickly I only stopped to knock on the door and wait a few seconds for an answer. 

"Tai?" Getting no answer I opened the door quickly and completely froze when I saw Taichi laying on the floor with a puddle of blood forming around his upper body. 

"Ta... TAKERU! Call an ambulance!!!" I shouted over my shoulder as I dropped to Taichi's side.

****

okay 1) yes i'm really mean cause i'm cutting you off here. and 2) don worry it's gonna have a happy ending so don kill me.


	5. chapter IV

Chapter V

~ Hikari ~

I hung up the pay phone in the waiting room and sighed. I'd just called the new group of digidestined to tell them that Takeru and myself couldn't make it to the meeting. I hadn't told them why or where we were, I didn't want them to worry and rush down to the hospital to see Taichi. 'I should have been there. I knew something was wrong...' I thought as I leaned against the wall for support, squeezing my eyes shut some unshed tears finally fell.

~ Takeru ~

I looked up from my chair in the waiting room when I heard Hikari hang up the phone. My eyes softened as I watched Hikari lean against the wall. 'Kari must be blaming herself...' I thought as I got up and walked over to stand behind Kari. Not really knowing how to comfort Hikari at the moment, I slid my arms around Hikari's waist and pulled her into a gentle embrace. I felt Hikari tense up at first but she relaxed and turned around so she was facing me. Grabbing a fist full of my shirt Hikari cried into my chest.

~ Yamato ~

I put my face in my hands as I sat in a chair beside the hospital bed that Taichi was currently occupying. 'Tai, why'd you do it? Why'd you slit your wrist? Why? Was it because of me? The doctor said you're lucky to be alive with all the blood you lost...' I looked up at Taichi's pale face. 'I'm really glad we actually made it there before it was to late or else...' I felt a tremor go through my whole body as I thought about what would of happened if we'd gotten there much later.

"Tai..." I gentle caressed Taichi's cheek. "Stay with me please." I whispered pleadingly as I laid my head on the side of the bed. //I'll rest my eyes while I wait for Tai to wake up. They'll let him out after he wakes up. I think...// I let my eyes close as I listened to the heart monitor, and drifted off into a light slumber.

~ Taichi ~

'Where am I? What's goin on?' I thought as I opened my eyes and sat up slightly. Turning my head a little I fixed my blurry vision on the window or what seemed to be a window, I couldn't really tell because everything was so fuzzy. Then I remember that everything that had happened earlier had been real. 'I...I'm not dead... And this isn't my home...' I clenched my right hand into a fist. 'Kari must have came home and found me. S...so that means I'm in a hospital, and I'm still alive...' I thought as I brought my left arm into my line of view so I could see the bandage. 'So I'm still stuck here...' A soft sob found its way out of my mouth as I closed my eyes letting the tears run down my face and laid there.

~ Yamato ~

I stirred slowly hearing a soft yet audible sound. Opening my eyes I looked at Taichi's face and was shocked to see tears cascading down his cheeks. Lifting my hand to Taichi's cheek I gently brushed them away with my thumb. I didn't move my hand away from Taichi's cheek when his eyes snapped open in shock.

~ Taichi ~

My eyes had snapped open in shock when I felt someone's hand on my cheek. Turning my head slightly I saw that the hand belonged to Yamato, who was currently sitting by my bedside. A questioning look ended up on my face as I looked into Yamato's stormy blue eyes.

"Why are you here Yamato?" I asked as I sighed and looked away from the object of my affection, and my pain. My eyes snapped back to Yamato's face as the hand on my cheek gently brushed across my cheek and lips.

~ Yamato ~

"I... I'm so sorry... I know I'm the one that's caused you so much pain... And... I'm just so sorry." My voice cracked as I slowly took my hand away from Taichi's face and placed it on the bed. Bowing my head I let the dam that had been holding the tears back break as a sudden rush of relief swept through my heart. Taichi was awake and that meant he was going to be okay... Well physically, but I wasn't sure about mentally. Looking up I saw that the shocked expression was still on Taichi's face.

"Tai I... I figured something out when you were in the operation room..." Taking a deep breath I continued, "I realized that if you died, a part of me would die also and... And that would have been my heart. What I'm trying to say is that I... I love you Tai, and I don't want to loss you." I finished as more tears spilled out of the corner of my eyes.

"But what about you and Sora? You two are dating and..." I saw Taichi's eyes cross as he looked down at my finger that had shushed him; then he looked back at my face.

Shaking my head I answered Taichi's question. "Tai, Sora and I broke up a while ago, because she said that she knew I had feelings for you, but at the time I wasn't really sure what those feelings were. But when you almost died I finally figured out what they were though. So now if you hate me I'd understand if you never wanted to even talk to me anymore." I lowered my head after saying that.

~ Taichi ~

I stared in complete and total shock at Yamato. 'He loves me. Yamato actually loves me.'

"Baka I could never hate you..." I smiled weakly at Yamato as I placed one hand under Yamato's chin and the other behind his head as I pulled him into a kiss. Yamato's lips felt soft, velvety, and had a faint taste of vanilla. And I felt so alive again when Yamato responded by kissing me back. Our first kiss lasted a minute or two before we both pulled away panting for breathe.

~ Yamato ~

"Geez Tai I didn't know you were that great a kisser." I smirked making Taichi blush as I placed a chaste kiss onto his lips. Then I kissed Taichi on his lips again, but this time I gently bit down on his lower lip making him gasp as I slid my tongue into his mouth. For a few minutes we stayed like that tasting each other and battling for dominance. But this time we pulled apart because we heard someone giggle. Looking towards the door we saw Takeru and Hikari standing in the door way practically ready to fall over from containing there laughing for so long.

~ Other ~

"It's a Kodak moment." Hikari announced before she fell into another fit of giggles and grabbed Takeru's arm for support.

"Well it's about time you two got together." Takeru said as he smiled at the two older boys who were blushing in embarrassment.

ta da!!! it's finally finished. and i don't know if i'll do a epilogue or not, but for now it's finished. and if you are wondering were Hikari and Takeru were during that time while... they were in the waiting room okay! i wanted to do a Yama and Tai scene.


End file.
